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Mutual pleasuring

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Could it be that you lack some vital information about how your body responds in certain sexual circumstances, and you're therefore not experiencing the full capacity of your body to respond sexually?

Perhaps you really believe that orgasms only last for between 2 and 10 seconds, and that, good as they are, they really can't be improved upon?

Or if you examine your deepest beliefs, do you find that you somehow limit the amount of pleasure you can experience? A fundamental belief for many people is that pleasure is limited and must be counterbalanced by struggle and effort.

Our ambivalent attitude to sexual pleasure is demonstrated very clearly by the fact that so many taboos exist around discussing the details of our sensual and sexual experience.

Yes, you may believe that it is inappropriate to discuss such personal matters, but let me ask you why? What would be the response of most people if you started telling them about your massive extended orgasm , and the changes in your body that accompanied it such as copious vaginal lubrication, massive amounts of pre-ejaculate fluid emerging from your penis, energy flow through your genitals, and orgasms whose contractions continued for minutes at a time?

Yet the odd thing is that we're all human, we all have the same sexual equipment, and broadly speaking we have similar sexual experiences.

It's quite perverse, really, because a man or woman who is experiencing extended, mind blowing orgasms tends to be much happier and much more positive than people who are not, yet we still seem to focus on the negative, the painful, and the discouraging rather than the uplifting, the vital and the life enhancing such as the potentially unlimited pleasure of orgasm!

From time to time in achieving greater sexual pleasure, you'll come across suggestions that strike you as -- well, anything really, from ridiculous to laughable.

When this happens we invite you to consider whether or not it's some deeply held belief that has no basis in reality which is causing you to react in this way.

For example, what would you say if we asked you to schedule sex in your diary? But consider this, in your pursuit of greater pleasure: putting sex in the diary gives you the opportunity to know in advance that you have time reserved for your own pleasure, time which you've booked as yours.

This is an act which reflects your desire to achieve greater sexual pleasure, or to provide greater sexual pleasure to your partner.

Doing this can both help you to avoid other commitments, and to avoid a sense of guilt that may accompany something which seems so self-indulgent.

Regular solo masturbation seems like a bad idea, as it runs the risk of fantasies that may creep away from what is proper. Masturbating with your spouse in the room is a good way to reduce the chance of sinful fantasies and it also keeps them aware of how much sex you desire.

If one of you feels a need to masturbate, please thoroughly discuss this with your spouse. Surely anyone can wait a day or two. But for longer illnesses masturbation is a good way for the healthy spouse to deal with the fact that their sex drive is still working.

As suggested above, it is a good idea to discuss this with your spouse and when possible do the masturbation with them in the room. It would be a good idea for a couple to discuss this when they are both well, so each knows what the other feels about it when the situation arises.

For long term or terminal illness, the situation is more complex, but not really much different. In this situation, it is very important for the couple to have an open and honest talk.

There are stories of men and women who felt like less of a man or woman, or felt unloved, because their well spouse suddenly stopped approaching them for sex.

The man or woman who masturbates to deal with a sex drive they or their spouse are too busy to deal with is not helping, because they are taking the pressure off of a situation which needs to be changed.

Some busy men are particularly bad about ignoring sex until they suddenly feel they need to do it right now!

Studies of sexual frequency in marriage often have a very sad situation buried in the statistics. There are more than a few couples where both are masturbating and both say they want more sex.

In this case, the masturbation is a destructive thing because it is bleeding off the sex drive that should cause them to come together more often.

When a couple must be separated for a few days or longer, masturbation is an excellent way of dealing with the sexual tension that can build up.

This is something a couple needs to have a very open and honest talk about, so there are no secrets. Better yet, encourage it :. Or the woman who finds a gift-wrapped sex toy from her traveling husband.

Use the phone or computer to join them for phone or cybersex. Of course, this is a two-way street. The way you fold your labia over your clit to buffer the intensity of the vibe?

Your partner gets to see that. The fact that you more-or-less ignore the left side of your clit while doting on the right side? Your partner gets to see that too.

Chances are, your partner will ahem cum away with some new moves and grooves to use the next time you both try your hand s at the other definition of mutual masturbation.

Don't worry, auditory learners—you'll get yours too. Turn down the Bryson Tiller or whatever is on your Sexy Time Playlist so you can really hear the hot grunts, moans, and groans your boo's making.

Mutual masturbation is also a great way to introduce toys into the bedroom. Seeing the toy in action may make your partner less skeptical about the toy," they say.

While you're using it on yourself, go ahead and borrow one of these lines: "I wish I could feel you inside me while I use this on my clit" or "I want to make myself come with this toy while tasting you.

It's pretty safe, as far as sex goes. From an STI standpoint, so long as you're not sharing sex toys without swapping the condom covering them first , mutual masturbation has very little risk of transmission.

While this is great for couples where one or more people currently have an STI, mutual masturbation shouldn't replace the safe sex talk.

Anytime you're stripping down with someone, you should talk about STI status. If you don't know how to have the STI talk, check out these helpful tips.

It can be an appetizer or the main event. But, if you have time "it's a great act to incorporate before penetrative sex because it ensures that you're super aroused—a must for comfortable penetration.

It's insanely intimate. Beyond the sweet physical sensations, personally, I find mutual masturbation to be one of the most intimate sexual acts.

Just like in any type of sex, as long as all parties are on-board, there's no wrong way to do it. But if you're not sure where to start, scroll down for seven mutual masturbation sex positions that are sex-educator recommended and sex-writer tested and approved.

The best position for macking while you masturbate, facing spoons is similar to Side by Side see below but rather than lying on your back, you'll flip onto your sides so you're eye-to-eye and mouth-to-mouth.

You can eye-gaze , kiss, moan into each other's mouths hot! If you're a one-handed rubber, with your free hand, you might touch your partner's chest, hold their face, or trace their upstairs lips.

If your partner enjoys nipple stimulation, you might hold a clit suction toy against their nipples, which with lube mimics the sensation of a tongue.

Or, if they consent, you might hold a wand vibrator , which gives you a lot of reach to their bits. PS: Wand vibrators aren't just for vulva-owners!

Some people with penises enjoy the sensation of vibration against their head or perineum. Maybe one of you is menstruating and you're not Team Period Penetration.

Or maybe you find penetrative intercourse painful. Whatever the reason, if you can't or don't want to have penetrative sex for whatever reason, Wolfe recommends this imitation position.

A fun spin on face-sitting, chest chair brings a bit of power-play into the mix. Rather than a partner squatting or kneeling over the other's mouth, they'll lower themselves onto their belly or chest.

For this position, it's usually best to let the bigger-bodied partner lie on bottom. If you enjoy the sensation of handing over control of your hand, put one hand between your legs and the other at your side.

Then, have your partner plant their knees outside of your hands, so that you can't move them, suggests Wolfe.

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Maybe you believe that sex is no good unless you both come or cum during intercourse, perhaps even at at the same time.

Well if you do, you're going to be disappointed for much of the time! Simultaneous orgasms are as rare as hen's teeth.

But the reality may not stop you from ruining your own sexual experience by listening to these prejudices, false beliefs, myths -- call them what you will.

So, in the context of extending your orgasms and obtaining greater sexual pleasure, you need to accept that from time to time the exchange of pleasure will be one way: that you will be pleasuring your partner, or that your partner will be pleasuring you -- without any expectation of return.

The best atmosphere to achieve an extended mind blowing orgasm is one of trust and respect with your partner. Unfortunately many of the issues that crop up in day-to-day relationships can get between you and your orgasm.

So we'll now examine a number of these issues in the hope that you can avoid the problems that otherwise might arise.

First of all it's important to remember that whatever you read in the newspapers or other media is not a good guide to human sexuality -- and it's certainly not a guide in any way whatsoever to YOUR particular sexuality!

Men and women can easily develop a sense of insecurity around their sexuality and sexual behavior because they believe that they are not "normal".

But the only measure of what is normal for you is what you do and what you are comfortable with. That includes aspects of your sex life such as how often you have sex, but it also includes such things as your fantasies, how you enjoy yourself sexually, and how you and your partner interact during lovemaking.

It's true that while you practice extended mind blowing orgasms, you may need to question some of your established beliefs, and perhaps even change your methods of sexual pleasuring.

Nonetheless this is not a reason to be distracted by what you see or hear going on around you. The more you are able to stay in the present, the less distracted you are by what is going on around you, and the more you can focus on what you are feeling in the moment, the greater your chance of success in achieving mutual extended pleasuring.

In such a situation masturbation seems like an allowable, maybe even necessary, way for a man or woman to deal with the pressure of their sex drive and the temptation it can cause.

But since our spouse has a responsibility to us sexually, we need to be clear about the situation. The person who is being refused needs to make it very clear to their spouse that the lack of sex is a problem.

Beyond that, if a married person is going to masturbate, their spouse has a right to know about it. Unless this information could result in violence or divorce, it seems unfair to take your sexuality into your own hands without letting the person who is supposed to be doing it know that you feel the need to masturbate.

This means they have not even been given the opportunity to do anything about the sexual desire of their spouse.

Putting aside the question of who should be meeting the need, what if the spouse knows about it, and neither husband nor wife has a problem with it?

Regular solo masturbation seems like a bad idea, as it runs the risk of fantasies that may creep away from what is proper. Masturbating with your spouse in the room is a good way to reduce the chance of sinful fantasies and it also keeps them aware of how much sex you desire.

If one of you feels a need to masturbate, please thoroughly discuss this with your spouse. Surely anyone can wait a day or two.

But for longer illnesses masturbation is a good way for the healthy spouse to deal with the fact that their sex drive is still working.

As suggested above, it is a good idea to discuss this with your spouse and when possible do the masturbation with them in the room. It would be a good idea for a couple to discuss this when they are both well, so each knows what the other feels about it when the situation arises.

For long term or terminal illness, the situation is more complex, but not really much different. In this situation, it is very important for the couple to have an open and honest talk.

There are stories of men and women who felt like less of a man or woman, or felt unloved, because their well spouse suddenly stopped approaching them for sex.

The man or woman who masturbates to deal with a sex drive they or their spouse are too busy to deal with is not helping, because they are taking the pressure off of a situation which needs to be changed.

Some busy men are particularly bad about ignoring sex until they suddenly feel they need to do it right now! Studies of sexual frequency in marriage often have a very sad situation buried in the statistics.

Considering masturbation is typically a one-person thing, "mutual masturbation" might sound like an oxymoron, but it's not.

So, just as any thorough manifesto does, we'll start with a definition: Mutual masturbation puts two or more! If you've heard of mutual masturbation but thought it entailed manually stimulating your partner while they manually stimulate you "second base," if you will , that's not wrong.

Mutual masturbation has two meanings, according to body-positive sex educator Carly S with The Pleasure Chest.

But this manifesto is all about watching your partner get themselves off while getting yourself off. If you have Qs on hand sex, check out this guide to fingering.

Pleasure for both partners is a sure thing. One of the best parts of any kind of sex—beyond just enjoying it yourself—is knowing that your partner is feeling good too.

And with mutual masturbation, both their pleasure and yours are basically a guarantee. You can see what your partner likes.

For visual learners, this is especially clutch. Because as long as your eyes aren't rolling into the back of your head in pleasure, "you literally get to see exactly how your partner likes to be touched," says Carly S.

Your partner is the King or Queen of their Netherlands and the best person to give you a personal tour. Watch and learn. And they can see what you like.

Of course, this is a two-way street. The way you fold your labia over your clit to buffer the intensity of the vibe?

Your partner gets to see that. The fact that you more-or-less ignore the left side of your clit while doting on the right side?

Your partner gets to see that too. Chances are, your partner will ahem cum away with some new moves and grooves to use the next time you both try your hand s at the other definition of mutual masturbation.

Don't worry, auditory learners—you'll get yours too. Turn down the Bryson Tiller or whatever is on your Sexy Time Playlist so you can really hear the hot grunts, moans, and groans your boo's making.

Mutual masturbation is also a great way to introduce toys into the bedroom. Seeing the toy in action may make your partner less skeptical about the toy," they say.

While you're using it on yourself, go ahead and borrow one of these lines: "I wish I could feel you inside me while I use this on my clit" or "I want to make myself come with this toy while tasting you.

It's pretty safe, as far as sex goes. From an STI standpoint, so long as you're not sharing sex toys without swapping the condom covering them first , mutual masturbation has very little risk of transmission.

While this is great for couples where one or more people currently have an STI, mutual masturbation shouldn't replace the safe sex talk. Anytime you're stripping down with someone, you should talk about STI status.

If you don't know how to have the STI talk, check out these helpful tips. It can be an appetizer or the main event. But, if you have time "it's a great act to incorporate before penetrative sex because it ensures that you're super aroused—a must for comfortable penetration.

It's insanely intimate. Beyond the sweet physical sensations, personally, I find mutual masturbation to be one of the most intimate sexual acts.

Just like in any type of sex, as long as all parties are on-board, there's no wrong way to do it. But if you're not sure where to start, scroll down for seven mutual masturbation sex positions that are sex-educator recommended and sex-writer tested and approved.

Mutual Pleasuring Video

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